Deborah Rosasco, Life Coach For Positive Change
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Stress, Anger, and Your Relationships

9/20/2014

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Hello Friends and Coaching Clients,

Here's to your health and hopes that you are taking great care of yourself!

There a number of signs that let you know you are stressed and in need of change.  If you find yourself becoming angry more than usual, impatient, aggressive, or flying off the handle and lashing out at people around you chances are your stress level is high. Having frequent angry outbursts is closely associated with a high stress level because when we are stressed or overloaded our ability to cope is compromised.

Instead of blaming situations or others for our stress or anger it will be more beneficial to look within for what is to triggering you to see what you truly want and need, then begin to make the changes.  Realistically you are the only one who can take responsibility for your health and well-being by making a commitment to lower stress no matter what the cause. 


Being stressed does not always mean you need to do something additional, instead it may indicate that you need to eliminate or let go of something in your life and replace it with a healthy, fun or relaxing activity.  It starts with the awareness and firm commitment to live differently.

Tips to get you started:

Begin with self-inquiry, ask yourself what is truly at the root of your stress or anger 

Are you:
taking on too much?
engaging in self-talk that does not serve you?
holding on to something that would be helpful to let go of?
trying to change the un-changeable?
tolerating people or situations in your environment that are stressors?

After you identify the causes of stress determine what areas of life you want to make the changes such as your environment, personal relationships, a mindset shift, occupational change, more self-care, stronger boundaries, assertive communication, etc.

Next, look at what you can eliminate, add, or confront in your life to lower your stress.  The bottom line is to take control of your well-being and not be controlled by stress or anger that can get you to the breaking point and negatively affect your health and your partnerships.

If you'd like assistance sorting this out give me a call, we'll work on it together.

I welcome questions or comments on what is most stressful in your life or what you do for stress relief to keep life in balance.

 
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                 Emotional Awareness and Anger Management, A Personal Story

8/4/2014

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                                             Notice Your Emotions Choose Your Response

          
A heated Discussion: One day while hiking with a close girlfriend out of curiosity I posed a question about a recent political/social problem in S. California.  The topic can be a touchy one since it involves the safety and quality of life for many people.  Soon after I initiated the conversation it became clear that my friend and I had opposing viewpoints on some aspects of the topic and due to our strong feelings it did not take long for emotions to rise.

Becoming aware of body signals:  As the conversation continued I began to notice tension in my lower abdomen which was the first clue that I was having strong feelings.  What was helpful about this awareness is that it gave me an advanced signal alerting me to slow down and choose my responses carefully and not to be controlled by a fight/flight/freeze reaction which happens automatically as a protection mechanism. In the
anger management coaching work that I do with clients this practice is referred to as learning to “respond instead of react.” As I became aware of the early warning within my body it gave me pause to think about the intent of the conversation.  Was it to prove a point?  Did I need my friend to agree with me?  Did I need to be right?

The ability to choose: As I took a step back and checked in with myself I answered “no” to these questions since my true intent was to learn about my friend’s opinions and clarify my own thoughts on the subject.  With the self-inquiry, asking myself helpful questions, I was able to stay on track with my intent and remain calm, focused, and in control of my responses.  It was good practice to notice, feel, and acknowledge emotions such as anger or threat and simply notice without reacting.  Had I let myself get out of control surely I would have felt disappointed later on.  Instead I was able to choose responses which made me feel good about our conversation and myself.  Becoming angry does not mean we have to react to the anger like we have in the past, in fact with some practice we can retrain ourselves to do it differently.
 
As I reflected on the conversation I thought about situations when it is most difficult to respond instead of react such as within our intimate partnerships.  How many of you are experiencing this type of challenge in your relationships?


Your comments are welcomed, let's start the conversation. When are you feeling most challenged to stay calm, what are your body signals that tell you to slow down and choose responses carefully?


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    Life Coach, Deborah Rosasco has been coaching couples and individuals since 2003. One area of expertise is assisting clients with emotional awareness, the ability to hone in on body signals and self-talk before responding to emotional conversations or situations. 

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