Published Articles
Deborah has written Life Coaching articles for the San Vicente Valley News which distrubutes to more than 10,000 residents of the San Diego Country Estates planned community located in Ramona California and The Ramona Orange Book Directory. The articles are written from a Life Coach prospective and are focused on subjects of current social interest and living a balanced life with consciousness and awareness. To read the articles scroll down this page.
Recent articles are listed first:
7/30/12 Tips For A Loving Relationship
02/2012 What is Asked of Us During These Difficult Times?
01/2012 New Year's Resolutions-It Takes a Village
12/2011 Christmas will be here soon; spend less, connect more!
Tips for a Loving Relationship
At a recent social event held at our home my husband and I had fun with our guests by asking one another thought provoking questions. One question that has lingered on my mind is “do you have a tip for a loving relationship?” That evening I answered immediately with, “continue to work on one self.” I have believed this for a long time, with the best case scenario being that both people fully embrace this mindset. However, I have found that even if one person takes this to heart a meaningful shift in the dynamics of the partnership will take place.
What does it mean to work on oneself? There are many layers to what it means to improve yourself as well as other ingredients to having a loving relationship. With the risk of over-simplifying I will list three suggestions based on my beliefs.
Become the person you would like to attract. If you are seeking a partner work at becoming the person that will make you proud, this will lead you to find someone who shares your values.
If you are already in a partnership be the person you would like to spend time with. Ask yourself, “What is it like to be in a partnership with me?” This takes a great deal of honesty and courage to peer deeply into the truth of who you are. Even though you may be comfortable with your behavior ask yourself how your actions affect your partner? If the health of your partnership is highly important to you it will be worth altering your behavior.
Find your passion in life! Most likely you have heard this before and I’ll state it again, “no one is
responsible for your happiness but you.” Yes, people you spend a great deal of time with can influence your well-being either positively or in a negative way, which makes it even more important for you to find at least one thing that is yours, brings satisfaction, and is independent of the relationship. Find something you are passionate about that utilizes your skills and
gifts, brings you joy, and a sense of purpose. Doing this will take the pressure off of your relationship as you will not rely as heavily on it for your happiness.
Sharpen your communication skills. Are you still communicating the same way without positive results? If this is the case I encourage you to reach out for a new set of tools? Productive communication skills can teach you how to express your needs and feelings in a non-threatening manner and how to listen without defensiveness. There are many resources available for improving communication, such as books, workshops with practice groups, and audios. In some instances it can be advantageous to have a trained professional mediate conversation between you and a loved one.
I encourage you to be attractive from the
inside out, to get fired up about your passions, and communicate in a way that
inspires love and respect.
What is Asked of Us during These Difficult Times?
Will You Thrive or Wither?
Inspiration; to breathe life into, from within, to enliven
It seems these days you don’t have to look far to find someone who is having it tough in one way or another, or perhaps it is you who is having a rough-go of it lately. Many people are searching for a job, losing their home, or leaving San Diego County due to economic strain. Small business owners are working longer and harder just to stay afloat and making less profit due to higher operating costs or dwindling sales. Competition for work is fiercer than ever before, as you may be one out of hundreds of applicants.
In times like this what will keep you moving forward? What will give you the energy to tackle the tasks that will lead to your success? Certainly getting support and motivation from outside sources is paramount to keeping your spirits lifted when your situation seems hopeless. Yet, in times like this when competition is high and reward seems lower than in the past, it may lead us to look for something deeper to keep us thriving. What is our own personal inspiration - that “something” from within that makes a choice to thrive and not wither when life is asking us to stretch, grow, and move out of our comfort zones.
Let’s face it, all of us are still adjusting to what has become of our beloved United States, and we are being challenged to work with a new set of circumstances. Even so, I believe we must do and be our very best, know and truly own the gifts and skills we were born with, and make choices from integrity and a desire to improve and succeed. There is no room for mediocrity and no time to under –utilize our skills. We are being asked to be more creative, to be thriftier, more courageous, more resourceful, and to reach deep inside to find personal reasons to be our best. For the time being, we may not be paid in dollars, bonuses, or promotions, but if we find our inspiration for holding our heads high we will be paid with increased self-pride, courage, self- development, and self-esteem within ourselves. The current times urge us to ask, “Who will I become as a result of these challenging times?
Will your situation reveal that you are much stronger and resilient than you thought you could be? Did you find that you can do without the frills and extras that you thought meant so much to your happiness?
Each one of us must rebuild this country one person at a time by asking for excellence from our self, which is not only good for you but for our country. You and I are the United States. What is life asking of you? What inside you must emerge for you to be at your best? Remember, what you do for yourself you do for all of us.
New Year’s Resolutions- Increase success with Community Support
01/1/12 (SV Valley News, Page 16)
As we begin the year 2012, are you asking yourself to reach higher, make more time for self-care, or improve your relationships with significant others? Have you often made a New Year’s resolution only to fall short within a couple weeks? If you are shaking your head with acknowledgement then most likely you felt disappointment, discouragement, or even a sense of low self-esteem as a result.
If your goals were not met in previous years let’s take a look at what might have happened and how to approach your goals this year with a positive outcome. Some common reasons that New Year’s resolutions are not met include setting unrealistic or perfectionist goals, setting a goal for the wrong reason, and most importantly, trying to make a change without adequate support or the right kind of support.
Think back on a time when you went to a class or seminar to learn something new. After the training you were fired up and ready to go. But shortly after, your fire began to fizzle because your support system consisting of class mates and instructor was left behind. If this is what you experienced don’t be too hard on yourself, as this is common. Often we think we can do it all by ourselves, or we find it difficult to ask for help. If you fit into this category, ask yourself what life would be like if you practiced asking for more help and support?
This year lets’ try it differently. Surround yourself with a variety of appropriate support as it can take a village, a community, to help keep you on course. Select at least one friend and a family member to check in with daily for support, and be sure it is someone who will be helpful and not work against you. Before you ask for help, it is essential that you are clear and specific about the kind of support you would like. Do you want a sounding board, encouragement, or someone to hold you accountable for the incremental changes you commit to?
Other great resources for support are online forums, chats, and support groups. You may even consider hiring a life coach for weekly professional help. Some people find journal writing or charting beneficial as a way to track progress and keep them moving forward. Last but not least, be sure to celebrate your successes and show self-appreciation because this is a part of the change process that is often overlooked. To do so you might get together with those who supported you and tell them about your progress, make some art work that symbolizes your change, take a rewarding short trip, write a poem about the experience, or make cards of gratitude and send them to those who gave you support.
Whatever resolution or improvement you are aiming for this year, make sure to put a varied support system in place as this can be necessary for your success.
Christmas will be here soon; spend less, connect more!
12/1/11 (SV Valley News, Page 5)
How would you like to celebrate Christmas this year? Is it a fulfilling time for you or a time of anxiety and frustration with a long “to do” list? Do you feel as though the season has lost meaning? How many of you would like to get off the shopping and spending merry-go-round? For many, the focus of Christmas is religious or spiritual practices of worship and gratitude. For others the emphasis is on family, friends, and gift giving. What I hear most often these days from coaching clients and friends, particularly women, is that this is a time of being overwhelmed, running up large credit card bills, and dealing with endless expectations.
With all the holiday spending, gifting and receiving, at the end of the day the question remains, “Did you really get what you wanted from the experience?" Do you feel closer, did you learn anything new about a family member or friend, or was it the same routine as last year? Holiday traditions can be fun and rewarding, but there may be a time to add something new to what you have always done or remove a custom altogether if it doesn’t seem to fit any longer. I’m suggesting that the season’s routine be re-evaluated and adjusted to meet a greater need for closeness and connection. You may want to reduce gift giving and spending or eliminate it completely.
Keep in mind that everyone has their own unique way of giving. Some people will often buy you material gifts because this is their way to show love and appreciation. For others their way of giving is to “be there” for you when you need it most by listening and helping out. There is no right or wrong way to give as it is an individual style each of us have adopted based on our family of origin, values, comfort level or financial ability. What is your giving style?
No matter how you choose to spend Christmas this year be sure to give to yourself also, by doing at least one thing that is rewarding and rejuvenating. And if you are someone who prefers gifts of connection and closeness over material objects, then you may enjoy experimenting with the following ways of creating more intimacy and connection at your holiday event.
Contact your guests and ask them to bring a picture that holds meaning for them to your celebration. Gather together and ask each person to present the photo and tell why it holds meaning.
Ask each person to put their name in the center of a blank piece of paper. Circulate the page to each person in the room, doing the same for everyone. Each person will write something they admire or appreciate about the person using one to three words words. Even if you barely know the person it can be easy to note some positive quality, such as a great smile. Everyone walks away with a personalized note of appreciation.
As your guests arrive ask them to write a question that intrigues them on a piece of paper, or the host can write all of the questions. Fold the papers and place them in a container. At some point, each person will pick a question and tell their answer to the group. I suggest topics such as, what was one of the most rewarding times in your life, or what are you looking forward to in 2012? Or you could ask to hear about a proud moment in their life. Use your imagination and have fun with it!
HOME MEET DEBORAH WHAT IS LIFE COACHING? ANGER MANAGEMENT WOMEN'S GROUP
FEES AND CONTACT PUBLISHED ARTICLES WOMEN'S WORKSHOP
Deborah has written Life Coaching articles for the San Vicente Valley News which distrubutes to more than 10,000 residents of the San Diego Country Estates planned community located in Ramona California and The Ramona Orange Book Directory. The articles are written from a Life Coach prospective and are focused on subjects of current social interest and living a balanced life with consciousness and awareness. To read the articles scroll down this page.
Recent articles are listed first:
7/30/12 Tips For A Loving Relationship
02/2012 What is Asked of Us During These Difficult Times?
01/2012 New Year's Resolutions-It Takes a Village
12/2011 Christmas will be here soon; spend less, connect more!
Tips for a Loving Relationship
At a recent social event held at our home my husband and I had fun with our guests by asking one another thought provoking questions. One question that has lingered on my mind is “do you have a tip for a loving relationship?” That evening I answered immediately with, “continue to work on one self.” I have believed this for a long time, with the best case scenario being that both people fully embrace this mindset. However, I have found that even if one person takes this to heart a meaningful shift in the dynamics of the partnership will take place.
What does it mean to work on oneself? There are many layers to what it means to improve yourself as well as other ingredients to having a loving relationship. With the risk of over-simplifying I will list three suggestions based on my beliefs.
Become the person you would like to attract. If you are seeking a partner work at becoming the person that will make you proud, this will lead you to find someone who shares your values.
If you are already in a partnership be the person you would like to spend time with. Ask yourself, “What is it like to be in a partnership with me?” This takes a great deal of honesty and courage to peer deeply into the truth of who you are. Even though you may be comfortable with your behavior ask yourself how your actions affect your partner? If the health of your partnership is highly important to you it will be worth altering your behavior.
Find your passion in life! Most likely you have heard this before and I’ll state it again, “no one is
responsible for your happiness but you.” Yes, people you spend a great deal of time with can influence your well-being either positively or in a negative way, which makes it even more important for you to find at least one thing that is yours, brings satisfaction, and is independent of the relationship. Find something you are passionate about that utilizes your skills and
gifts, brings you joy, and a sense of purpose. Doing this will take the pressure off of your relationship as you will not rely as heavily on it for your happiness.
Sharpen your communication skills. Are you still communicating the same way without positive results? If this is the case I encourage you to reach out for a new set of tools? Productive communication skills can teach you how to express your needs and feelings in a non-threatening manner and how to listen without defensiveness. There are many resources available for improving communication, such as books, workshops with practice groups, and audios. In some instances it can be advantageous to have a trained professional mediate conversation between you and a loved one.
I encourage you to be attractive from the
inside out, to get fired up about your passions, and communicate in a way that
inspires love and respect.
What is Asked of Us during These Difficult Times?
Will You Thrive or Wither?
Inspiration; to breathe life into, from within, to enliven
It seems these days you don’t have to look far to find someone who is having it tough in one way or another, or perhaps it is you who is having a rough-go of it lately. Many people are searching for a job, losing their home, or leaving San Diego County due to economic strain. Small business owners are working longer and harder just to stay afloat and making less profit due to higher operating costs or dwindling sales. Competition for work is fiercer than ever before, as you may be one out of hundreds of applicants.
In times like this what will keep you moving forward? What will give you the energy to tackle the tasks that will lead to your success? Certainly getting support and motivation from outside sources is paramount to keeping your spirits lifted when your situation seems hopeless. Yet, in times like this when competition is high and reward seems lower than in the past, it may lead us to look for something deeper to keep us thriving. What is our own personal inspiration - that “something” from within that makes a choice to thrive and not wither when life is asking us to stretch, grow, and move out of our comfort zones.
Let’s face it, all of us are still adjusting to what has become of our beloved United States, and we are being challenged to work with a new set of circumstances. Even so, I believe we must do and be our very best, know and truly own the gifts and skills we were born with, and make choices from integrity and a desire to improve and succeed. There is no room for mediocrity and no time to under –utilize our skills. We are being asked to be more creative, to be thriftier, more courageous, more resourceful, and to reach deep inside to find personal reasons to be our best. For the time being, we may not be paid in dollars, bonuses, or promotions, but if we find our inspiration for holding our heads high we will be paid with increased self-pride, courage, self- development, and self-esteem within ourselves. The current times urge us to ask, “Who will I become as a result of these challenging times?
Will your situation reveal that you are much stronger and resilient than you thought you could be? Did you find that you can do without the frills and extras that you thought meant so much to your happiness?
Each one of us must rebuild this country one person at a time by asking for excellence from our self, which is not only good for you but for our country. You and I are the United States. What is life asking of you? What inside you must emerge for you to be at your best? Remember, what you do for yourself you do for all of us.
New Year’s Resolutions- Increase success with Community Support
01/1/12 (SV Valley News, Page 16)
As we begin the year 2012, are you asking yourself to reach higher, make more time for self-care, or improve your relationships with significant others? Have you often made a New Year’s resolution only to fall short within a couple weeks? If you are shaking your head with acknowledgement then most likely you felt disappointment, discouragement, or even a sense of low self-esteem as a result.
If your goals were not met in previous years let’s take a look at what might have happened and how to approach your goals this year with a positive outcome. Some common reasons that New Year’s resolutions are not met include setting unrealistic or perfectionist goals, setting a goal for the wrong reason, and most importantly, trying to make a change without adequate support or the right kind of support.
Think back on a time when you went to a class or seminar to learn something new. After the training you were fired up and ready to go. But shortly after, your fire began to fizzle because your support system consisting of class mates and instructor was left behind. If this is what you experienced don’t be too hard on yourself, as this is common. Often we think we can do it all by ourselves, or we find it difficult to ask for help. If you fit into this category, ask yourself what life would be like if you practiced asking for more help and support?
This year lets’ try it differently. Surround yourself with a variety of appropriate support as it can take a village, a community, to help keep you on course. Select at least one friend and a family member to check in with daily for support, and be sure it is someone who will be helpful and not work against you. Before you ask for help, it is essential that you are clear and specific about the kind of support you would like. Do you want a sounding board, encouragement, or someone to hold you accountable for the incremental changes you commit to?
Other great resources for support are online forums, chats, and support groups. You may even consider hiring a life coach for weekly professional help. Some people find journal writing or charting beneficial as a way to track progress and keep them moving forward. Last but not least, be sure to celebrate your successes and show self-appreciation because this is a part of the change process that is often overlooked. To do so you might get together with those who supported you and tell them about your progress, make some art work that symbolizes your change, take a rewarding short trip, write a poem about the experience, or make cards of gratitude and send them to those who gave you support.
Whatever resolution or improvement you are aiming for this year, make sure to put a varied support system in place as this can be necessary for your success.
Christmas will be here soon; spend less, connect more!
12/1/11 (SV Valley News, Page 5)
How would you like to celebrate Christmas this year? Is it a fulfilling time for you or a time of anxiety and frustration with a long “to do” list? Do you feel as though the season has lost meaning? How many of you would like to get off the shopping and spending merry-go-round? For many, the focus of Christmas is religious or spiritual practices of worship and gratitude. For others the emphasis is on family, friends, and gift giving. What I hear most often these days from coaching clients and friends, particularly women, is that this is a time of being overwhelmed, running up large credit card bills, and dealing with endless expectations.
With all the holiday spending, gifting and receiving, at the end of the day the question remains, “Did you really get what you wanted from the experience?" Do you feel closer, did you learn anything new about a family member or friend, or was it the same routine as last year? Holiday traditions can be fun and rewarding, but there may be a time to add something new to what you have always done or remove a custom altogether if it doesn’t seem to fit any longer. I’m suggesting that the season’s routine be re-evaluated and adjusted to meet a greater need for closeness and connection. You may want to reduce gift giving and spending or eliminate it completely.
Keep in mind that everyone has their own unique way of giving. Some people will often buy you material gifts because this is their way to show love and appreciation. For others their way of giving is to “be there” for you when you need it most by listening and helping out. There is no right or wrong way to give as it is an individual style each of us have adopted based on our family of origin, values, comfort level or financial ability. What is your giving style?
No matter how you choose to spend Christmas this year be sure to give to yourself also, by doing at least one thing that is rewarding and rejuvenating. And if you are someone who prefers gifts of connection and closeness over material objects, then you may enjoy experimenting with the following ways of creating more intimacy and connection at your holiday event.
Contact your guests and ask them to bring a picture that holds meaning for them to your celebration. Gather together and ask each person to present the photo and tell why it holds meaning.
Ask each person to put their name in the center of a blank piece of paper. Circulate the page to each person in the room, doing the same for everyone. Each person will write something they admire or appreciate about the person using one to three words words. Even if you barely know the person it can be easy to note some positive quality, such as a great smile. Everyone walks away with a personalized note of appreciation.
As your guests arrive ask them to write a question that intrigues them on a piece of paper, or the host can write all of the questions. Fold the papers and place them in a container. At some point, each person will pick a question and tell their answer to the group. I suggest topics such as, what was one of the most rewarding times in your life, or what are you looking forward to in 2012? Or you could ask to hear about a proud moment in their life. Use your imagination and have fun with it!
HOME MEET DEBORAH WHAT IS LIFE COACHING? ANGER MANAGEMENT WOMEN'S GROUP
FEES AND CONTACT PUBLISHED ARTICLES WOMEN'S WORKSHOP
